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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27264199">A broken boy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluidHoneyComb/pseuds/FluidHoneyComb'>FluidHoneyComb</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Broken brothers [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>DCU, DCU (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Damian cares more than he cares to show, Gay, Gay Male Character, Guilt, Homophobia, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Tim Drake-centric, To Be Edited, Trans Male Character, Trans Tim Drake, Transphobia, be kind, english is not my first language, no beta we die like jason</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:00:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,941</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27264199</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluidHoneyComb/pseuds/FluidHoneyComb</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The night had started so good, but from the moment Vicky Vale first spotted Tim Drake-Wayne, she made it her sole goal to hurt him. And Tim is bad at handling it.</p><p>"Do you really think any gay boy would want to date… Well, you? You are not a boy after all. Maybe you just need to accept you are a straight girl. If you keep acting like this, no boy, straight or gay, will ever date you."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Broken brothers [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990711</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>97</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Hurt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TRIGGER WARNING:<br/>- suicidal thoughts<br/>- suicide attempt<br/>- homophobia<br/>- transphobia</p><p>Take care of yourselves &lt;3<br/>At the endnotes there is a link to a site with emergency numbers</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Miss Drake, miss drake! Do you have a moment to talk to me? I have a couple of questions.”<br/>
<br/>
Tonight, at the gala, Tim is having a harder time than usual. Vicky keeps following him. Now with any other journalist this wouldn’t be such a problem, but Vicky… It’s like she is making a sport out of misgendering him. And don’t get him wrong, he is really happy with his family and all, but Gotham is not the ideal place for a transgender child to grow up in.<br/>
<br/>
“Miss Drake-Wayne, can I please have a moment to talk to you?”<br/>
<br/>
Tim is aware that he doesn’t always pass well, but today… Before the gala, he had been so confident. Dick had been hyping him up and even Damian had complimented him on his look. And then came Vicky Vale. From the moment she spotted him she had not left him alone for even a minute. And she did not show any signs of slowing down yet. Oh well, why doesn’t he just go talk to her, Bruce suggested. And for a moment it even seemed like a good idea.<br/>
<br/>
“Miss Drake, thank you for having me. Or is it miss Wayne?”<br/>
<br/>
“Mister Drake-Wayne, actually. What did you want to ask me?” Tim replies, after finally accepting the offer.<br/>
<br/>
“That is exactly what I wanted to talk about, miss Drake. Tell me, why do you want to be a boy so bad? Is all this backlash really worth your little game?”<br/>
<br/>
“Miss Vale, don’t get me wrong, but I do not want to be a boy, I just really am one. Regarding the backlash, at this moment the company is growing faster than ever, and I have protection around me at all times. The only problem, miss Vale, is people like you.” Tim immediately regretted ever opening his mouth. He should not have said that. From the side of his eye he could see Bruce glaring at him. Dick, however, almost lost it laughing.<br/>
<br/>
“Very well then, miss Drake. I do want to address something else though. You must have heard the rumors too, haven’t you?”<br/>
<br/>
“At the moment, mister Vale, there are numerous rumors going around. Could you specify which you want to exploit right now?” Bruce was turning red. From anger or embarrassment, Tim isn’t really sure which right now. Both probably. He was going to be in so much trouble once they all came home, Tim was nearly sure. Vicky was mad, although she was surprisingly good at hiding it. That’s probably the only good thing about this night, her face like that. Tim was not going to be able to forget that.<br/>
<br/>
“Mister Drake-Wayne, there are rumors going around that you are gay, you must have heard. However, do you really think any gay boy would want to date… Well, you? You are not a boy after all. Maybe you just need to accept you are a straight girl. If you keep acting like this, no boy, straight or gay, will ever date you.” Tim was stunned. It did not happen often, but he really did not know what to say. Fuck you, he wanted to scream. I hate you and I am a boy and I already have a boyfriend and he is amazing and you are a homophobic, transphobic, single piece of shit. He didn’t, of course, but he wanted to.<br/>
<br/>
He had just walked away. Bruce made a point of talking to Vicky about how he was sorry about the behavior of his SON but did not even address the gay thing. Mostly because he really did not know how to, but also because he just wanted to get to Tim to give him a firm talk. He was too late though, Dick had already taken him home and Bruce Wayne, the guest of honor, could not be missed.<br/>
<br/>
Once they were home, Tim convinced Dick to go back to the gala. To Tim’s surprise, he actually listened and did not even tell Alfred to keep an eye on him. Tired and embarrassed Tim went to his room. When he laid down he realized what he’d done. Bruce was gonna kill him, Dick was never going to take him seriously ever again and Alfred would be disappointed. That last one might even be the worst, although the entirety of Gotham thinking he is just a trans trender, a girl just asking for attention, a cis, straight girl? Yeah, that is probably worse. And it was his own fault.<br/>
<br/>
Fuck.<br/>
<br/>
It’s my fault, It is MY fault. Everything is MY OWN fault. Slowly Tim started to drown in his own negative thoughts. Which is also his own fault. Everything is his own fault. Everything. Or that’s what he thought, at least. Slowly but surely his surroundings began to fade, the world became his enemy and only one thing still felt real. Everything is my fault. They are better off without me.<br/>
<br/>
It was a sudden realization that should have scared him. It didn’t. It made sense, you know. Of course everyone is better of when Tim is dead. Who would want to live with a gay transgender boy? Or worse, a straight girl, pretending to be.<br/>
<br/>
He heard Alfred in the attic. Good. Tim couldn’t easily go outside, since Bruce gets notified every time someone leaves the manor, but he knew an easier way anyway. The cupboard in the kitchen. The one no one ever uses. The one with a lifetime supply of drugs against every illness Bruce could think of. It came in handy today.<br/>
<br/>
Somehow he managed to get everything to his room without getting caught. Alfred was still upstairs, the rest was still at the gala. And Kon, dear Kon, was still in Smallville. And the next time they would see him, well, he’d be dead by then. Still consumed with fear and anger Tim quickly took the meds, choosing the highest doses and looking for the worst combinations.<br/>
<br/>
Just before he closed his eyes he thought about Kon again. He hoped he’d be hurt. He hoped he’d be able to move on. Silently he whispered his name. It would be the last thing he ever said, so it should be good. ‘Conner, I love you’, he whispered before falling into a deep sleep.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Comfort (kinda)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He survived. Kon saved him. Everyone feels guilty.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The same trigger warnings apply, and the link with resources will again be at the endnotes.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That was supposed to be the end. Tim is almost annoyed when he realizes it was not. How did he survive that? Alfred couldn’t have gone looking for him and the others weren’t due to come home for at least 3 hours. No one could have found him right? Oh, Kon. Superhearing, of course. Why in the world had Tim whispered his name. A fatal mistake. Or in this case the opposite. Useless.</p>
<p>Tim really wanted to be mad at Conner. He really, really wanted to. But when he opens his eyes and sees Kon he can’t. The boy looks so tired. His face is stained with tears and his hair looks like it hasn’t been touched in days. So instead of being mad at Conner, Tim gets mad at himself. Is it not his fault Kon is looking so bad? Of course it is. Everything is his fault. </p>
<p>When Kon realizes Tim is awake he climbs on top of the bed and breaks down. Tim tries to comfort him, he really does, but how does one comfort someone who is crying because of you? He wants to say sorry, but let’s be honest, he’s not. And lying to Kon? That’s the last thing Tim wants to do. Instead, he tries to explain himself. “Vicky,” he starts. “I heard the story. Vicky is a bitch.” Conner replies. “It’s my fault.” He says then, and falls asleep again.</p>
<p>Conner was just finishing his chores on the farm when he decided to listen to Tim. He knew Tim was supposed to be at a gala tonight, but trying doesn’t hurt now does it? Now he’s glad he did that, because Tim’s heart was barely beating anymore. He shouted at Ma that Tim was dying and hurried to the manor. Apparently, Ma had believed him, because just as he arrived Alfred came into Tim’s room. The scene he encountered was not what he had expected to see. Any scenario went through his mind, from poison Ivy to assassins to Damian with a sword, anything except for this. </p>
<p>Tim had collapsed onto the floor, empty bottles all around him. Conner knew that Tim wasn’t the happiest boy on earth, far from it, but this bad? Somehow Tim was the last person he’d expect this from. Tim, the boy who cared too much about others to even give himself the time to sleep. Tim, the boy who always had time for you, who would never let himself be sick, who would take a bullet to prevent you from stubbing your toe. Ah. Of course it’s Tim. Tim, who would rather kill himself than hurt someone. </p>
<p>Kon heard what happened that evening from Dick. Dick was a mess. He felt guilty for leaving Tim alone, for not staying with him, for not alerting Alfred of his mental state. And Kon might not be as good a detective as Tim, but he understood Tim did it for him. If you can’t be loved, you can only hurt people. If Kon didn’t love Tim, Tim would only be hurting Kon. Tim had decided to kill this problem at its roots. </p>
<p>Alfred feels guilty too. Especially after Kon got mad at him for not locking the meds away. Alfred hadn’t even thought about it. Who would ever go looking for medications in the kitchen? He should have known though, that in a house full of detectives nothing can stay a secret. </p>
<p>Bruce may be having the hardest time of all. He feels as though he has failed as a father. This near-death might even have a bigger effect on him than Jason’s death had. Bruce at least had someone to blame for that death. This one, however, would have been one-hundred percent preventable if only he had listened better, had talked better, had been better. Dick notices. He doesn’t tell him.</p>
<p>Damian had to be restricted after he was told what had happened at the gala. His outburst was what led to the lawsuit though. If Tim decides he wants to sue Vicky everything is ready. He might not though, because as one of Gotham’s biggest LGBTQ+ representatives, it’s kind of embarrassing that one reporter affected him so much. </p>
<p>When Tim woke up for the second time more people were around. Bruce was. He wasn’t even mad. Alfred was too. He just seemed exhausted, not disappointed at all. Tim was sorry this time. Not for attempting, no, but for leading Kon on. And he expressed that too. Right when Bruce started his speech Dick saved him and decided the couple needed some privacy. He forced his family out of the room and Kon and Tim were left alone. </p>
<p>“Kon?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, Tim?”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let you on.”</p>
<p>“Wait what? What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“I just really like you, and…”</p>
<p>“I like you too Tim. Why do you think you’ve let me on?”</p>
<p>“I. I’m trans. I’m sorry I should have told you please don’t hate me.”</p>
<p>“Hey, calm down Timmie. No offense, but that is kind of obvious.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, but I know enough about human biology to know that your body is not… You know. Your scars are a pretty obvious hint…”</p>
<p>“Sorry.”</p>
<p>“No, no, I’m glad you told me now.”</p>
<p>“Kon?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Will you… I mean can you… Ehm. Can I kiss you?”</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As promised: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As promised: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html</p><p>English is not my first language so please be kind :) I'm planning to continue in this universe but it might take a while...</p></blockquote></div></div>
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